25

I have been rubbish at keeping this blog up to date. I have to get better, because I really want it as a record!

The last few weeks have been exhausting. So much has been going on. 

After finding out we were having a little girl, I was on a complete high. It was so lovely to know after the scan everything was ok and we had a daughter! I felt I could really start to bond with her. I started buying cute little bits and pieces for her. David was thrilled too. His face at the scan will be something I will always remember. We had my mum and sister waiting outside too, and he told them it was a little girl, and hearing him say that was one of the best feelings ever. While we were waiting for the notes and everything to be finished after the scan, we sat there all emotional, holding hands. It was amazing. The next day he text me 'how are my girls doing?' I think thats my favourite text he has ever sent. He's going to be an amazing dad. He will spoil Lily rotten! I can imagine her becoming a little daddys girl. I can't tell you how much I love David, and how happy it makes me we're going to have our little girl together. Its made me love him more than ever, which I didn't thing was possible. We are bonded in a new way and it's an amazing feeling. And even though I haven't met her yet, I love our Lily Belle Rose so so much. I think the moment my David holds her in his arms my heart may explode. 

The last few weeks have been tough though. Lots of worry and stresses. our financial situation isn't great, and finding a house is hard. I have been so worried and emotional, and then I feel guilty for being stressed because I know it isn't good for Lily, and that makes me more emotional. 

And Im not well. I kept having moments where I would go very dizzy and faint, and then started to actually faint. I fainted on the bus, in the street, at work. I spoke to  a doctor about it, and she told me not to worry, it was normal in pregnancy and I just had to get on with it. So I did, I was still going to work, feeling awful, weak, tired, and fainting randomly which was getting worrying. But after being told by a doctor it was normal, I felt I just had to deal with it. Then I went for my check up, and the doctor didnt think my heart sounded good and send=t me for blood tests, which have shown Im dangerously anaemic, which is why I've been feeling so awful. So now Im on high doses of iron, and off work for a little while. I feel so useless and frustrated, and am desperate to get better. I am tired and breathless and weak all the time and just feel rubbish! Hopefully, the iron will work soon and I will be able to get back to normal.

But Lily is doing well, which is the most important thing. Getting to 24 weeks when she is 'viable' was such a nice feeling. Her chances of survival if born now are over 50%. As you can see from the picture, she's growing big! and her kicks are getting so strong!! And she is so responsive to things. On fireworks night, I could feel her jump at all the bangs, which was so cute! If anything rests against my tummy, even very lightly, she tries to kick it away. If I stroke my tummy, she follows my hand with hers. It is lovely :) David has been kicked in the face by her when he rested his head against my tummy, and he has been able to watch her kicks too which is amazing! While we are still living at home, we don't get to see each other very often, but the times when we can sit and cuddle, and feel our little girl wriggle about makes all the worry, stress and pain worth it. I cannot wait until the three of us are together as a proper little family!

x

p.s: sorry for the rubbishy phone picture. my camera is being a pain. I will try and get some better pictures soon!